If we could dissect and analyze a happy life, what would we find?
In The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle (384-323 B.C.) asserts that one thing we would find is friends: “no one would choose to live without friends though he should have all the other good things in the world.”
Aristotle continues by categorizing the basis of all friendships: (1) utility, (2) pleasure, (3) the others’ wellbeing. Basing friendship on the first two categories is common, but they are not the foundation of true friendship. People who are friends based only on utility or pleasure are really only friends for the sake of the advantage they are receiving from the other person. Perhaps they are receiving help with homework, regular advice, free meals, or some other benefit. As Proverbs says, “Wealth attracts many friends” (19:4), but those type of “friends” are not genuine. They are only interested in their own gain.
A true friend is focused on the wellbeing of the other person: “a friend wishes to his friend good things for that friend’s sake.” But how can we possess that noble desire? Aristotle says we must be good. Thus, genuine friendship is reserved for the good alone because mutual confidence—the ability to trust each other without suspicion—only exists between good people.
Aristotle’s idea of true friendship sounds similar to Jesus’ life and teaching. Jesus considered his disciples to be his friends: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (Jn 15:15). What did Jesus do for his friends? He shared with them because he cared about their wellbeing.
This giving was ultimately demonstrated in his death. He told his friends, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (15:12-13). And “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (10:11).
Aristotle was right. Being a friend is not about what we gain; it’s about what we give.
After graduating from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, I served as a high school Bible teacher in Asia. I enjoy traveling, writing, and playing the drums. For a deep dive into church history and the character of God, see my book Surprised by Hell.